Asking More?

But question remains the same, who are we? What purpose do we have? Is there any Parallel universe? What is consciousness? All these questions are the basic pillars of philosophy, whereas still unanswered.
Aren’t these questions demand a definite answer?   

Dwelling into philosophical discussion, it leads to more questions, and despite of answers we encounter with queries that were not arisen before, which results the exhaustion in one’s mind. After being involved in long debates we realize something unusual; and it is that we were not looking for answers, we all are looking for one right question, an unexplainable question which has not been asked by philosophers, theologians or spiritualists.

This Consortium of restless soul dropout their thoughts one by one in their comfort zones like flock of birds did in Attar’s Mantaq utair, each one had desire to fly across to meet God Bird, but in the end only one reached who didn't stop at any point, knowing that question is still un asked.

We all are looking for an answer, unfortunately it cannot be explained, but only felt/experienced, such like a feeling of love, you can not quantify your feelings but you know what you feel for another, it is unexplainable in words, though vague but its simple inside. May be the question we are looking for is simple like this which cannot be asked in language?  

A Judgmental ME

Though from the imminent failure of the logic to satisfy, a growing urge to become more and more aware of myself lead me to another dimension. Whether it was biasness or not, but search for eternal life has gruesome effect on human soul. It is more lethal

, more self conjecturing and physically subtle in nature, if it is or it is not, leads to logical argument for the satisfaction of soul, will lead you to astray and nowhere else beside your own ashes of reasons.

Reason to some extent leads us nearer to the truth, and makes us able to understand the nature of surroundings and draw ourselves to what we actually looking which ultimately defies our very own urge of self satisfaction. More we know the more we become unrest and ultimately failure in cultivating any reason leads us to  make us believe that there is no truth but only puzzles.

One of the characteristics of human mind is that it can never rest; it doesn’t stops even you are dead, and continue to for several minutes. It is bind to analyze and recognize the patterns even there aren’t any patterns, logic even if there weren't any of it. So how the urge can be satisfied? This question has been the mother of all philosophy in my opinion, and responsible for the questions like “who am I?” and by keep repeating it, it finally loses its soul and become a question like any other ordinary question. Once the worth of this question is lost, we blend in the crowd. Either there is or is not any purpose of creation by nature in both cases our mind tends us to jump to the conclusion, either black or white and afraid of that Gray area which tells us not to believe in any conclusion, and keep on searching. This is not easy task in any of it aspect, though I will call it the revolution of Soul, where it fights against the basic nature of jumping on conclusion every day every night till it achieves the non perceptional and non judgmental mind.      

What if I Doubt?

So far search for truth has lead me to nowhere, sometimes I think there might be no truth, a delusion that has enclave our fears and made us believe in what might we call the ultimate  truth. From the meta physical to Mathematical world all we have seen is the creation of human mind, so many people with different thoughts and faith with their extreme positions of what might we can say the delusional opinion as presenting as Fact, I Wonder what if I can stay in doubt without taking any extreme position.

Simple was the answer, human mind cannot linger in doubt forever. Doubt demands openness, it asks to remain curious every second, it says “Go on and ask questions”, doubt teaches us “there is no extreme positions only matter of opinion”. Then why human inherently curious being takes extreme position and professes their opinion as Truth?

For this I have to look into myself, nor into another’s life, but mine only, human by nature is Curious, the very first statement I quote is my opinion nor the truth, but why I did quote it as it is not my opinion but Truth?, might this is the only thing we need to understand, saying something does not make it truth but it only shows the opinion.

To elaborate it I came across with the story of Elephant and Men in Dark by Rumi, this allegory shows exactly how we perceive opinion as a matter of fact. If opinions are not truth nor falsity, then what exactly the nature of opinion is?

Our society is divided in to two extremes, for instance take the example of Concept of God, either we are accepting that God do exists, or we deny, human cannot accept that there could be any place in between total acceptance and Total Denial, mind simply can’t accept it, this is why so many clashes erupts when two extremists meet.

What is it like to doubt?  People ask me and I reply:

To doubt is like to find yourself.

Doubt gives the way into unknown territories of believes.

Doubt reaffirms that I am still human not machine.

Doubt reminds me that my Bowl is still empty and I am open to whatever lies ahead.

Doubt makes me patient

Doubt keeps me curious.

Shadows of Eternal Blasphemy

Confession

Class of 2004,Awarded with Best short Story: (few paras)

Out of sudden, I heard a voice, little shrill but sweet, deafening loud but lighter to heart, even though I had not looked at her, but immediately I knew it’s going to be something big, atleast for me.

My being of desolated soul immediately struck with heavier sense of frisson, what else could be it, when i saw her from the crowd, with her friends, smiling, playing her restless soul immediately made me fall in love.

A strangest kind of feeling with hallucination, once you are in captive of this strange more powerful then opium, you start to deprive from real world and start to construct your own parallel universe. It still enchants me with most powerful of all. Though the art of love was new for me but not impossible, still thinking of those uneasy awkward moments of fabricating your own world where you are with your beloved. It’s odd that how a feeling of being loved can make a person what he didn't even thought of be ever.

Just a look had made me dispose off my gods, and ended me blasphemous when with each recitation of prose of Rumi, i just thought of her. Nothing else could make me more annulled from my life then Her. Each song possessed her being; I could dance forever, could die and make a good friend of her in my parallel universe. Sometimes imaginative talks with her make me loosen up from reality itself, and finally all those storm up feelings pushed me off the cliff, I realized one morning that I haven’t slept for a month, and didn’t even knew what I have been doing all nights, imagining, writing making up stories, playing games, but not even a second she was off my mind. Her powerful soul had made me nothing but shook me from my very soul to look differently at world, where possibilities seem boundless. A fallen star roamed universe in hope that it could land on its planet with intensity that it will then never let it go again. But what of the love I have been saying this far?, With all the feelings it makes us more vulnerable and strong in soul. May be I have exaggerated all my feelings and start to over think, made me obsessed about her, may be a powerful infatuation that pulls me at her.

I abstained, with insomnia I could have done something better, i started meditation, with long hours of concentration at one point, my thoughts started to diminish, day by day ripples of thoughts decreased, and one point in those days I can surely say that i have experienced something powerful, it was all silence, a silence you have never imagined, for few seconds, it made my all body disappear from my mind, I knew nothing, not even what I am doing and what I have done, and after few seconds I recollect I was seeing “Her”.                   

MAKTAB (Written)

“What is the nature of God?” asked Professor Ezira Mikael to his full packed class. Answered one of his student “yet to be certain”, Mikael smiled, and continue, “turn off the lights please and close you’re your eyes, whatever I ask now just raise your hand if you believe in it”, and he continued, “do you think humans have free will?” half of the class raised their hands, “bravo” exclaimed Ezira, “now listen it carefully, and answer this question; Do you believe God is Omniscient?, to be very clear do you believe God knows everything that has happen and yet to happen?” whole class raised their hands, “so logically we don’t have free will” a sudden claim made by a student sitting at the last extreme corner of class. “Tell me something more about it Rizaan” insisted Ezira Mikael, and Rizaan continued “What is here is the inverse relationship between our believes pertaining to one entity, here is its example; if God knows everything and He should know everything, then logically we have no Freewill, because he already knew our future course of actions, and if we insist on the freewill then we have to compromise our belive of God being Omniscient, though argument shall circulate in between two believes, so we have to Compromise our on belief, that is for sure many of us will compromise “Free Will”.

As I always says its “Maktab”- Concluded Rizaan  

"Don't let me start on it Rizaan"- with Sarcasm Ezira chuckled 

An Encounter with a Rumi

What happens to those who consider themselves as a slave of destiny can’t be it’s an escape from reality? A tool use to blame upon when we have done something terrible or wrong, didn’t even consider another duly viable aspect of a situation which we fail to look upon and then all of the sudden catastrophe appears in front of us in form of reality check. This is where we realize that we are not as smart as we think of us, in contrary our defense mechanism starts to defend our self esteem, in form of spectacular concept of Destiny, or we can say what is written in our fate.

One fine evening I passed by from a cart of Books, and people surrounded it with great interest, I stood by there and start observing the subjects of books, there were several books some in urdu, some in English, but never though I consider urdu as a language of convenience, because it has many words which is sophisticated and equally hard to read and pronounce with a flow. Naturally my eyes were wandering on English side. I must say those books were price less, moreover interest of simple people, people from another side were keenly interested in urdu books, I have seen books of Ashfaq ahmed and Gaalib, only two writers I recognized. Book named “dajjal” (super satan) was the book of interest for many people. And there were many copies of it as well; in front of my eyes 5 potential buyers bought that book.

A sudden breeze of thought struck me, and it took me some another world. I saw something unimaginable, I must say being a logical person that I am suffering from serious problem, hallucination. As I have it before, I knew what I am seeing is not real, and I know how to get out of it if I have to, until and unless I lose my grip on to the reality I am safe in hallucination. A man from far distant was running towards me, one hand up and another holding some kind of book, I don’t think so he was signaling me until he came to me stop nearby me, and handed over one book. I looked at that book and asked him what this is? He disappeared. I knew at that time that I am hallucinating, so I didn’t mind. I took the book and went to my office, I saw all my coworkers, working accordingly, I looked at the clock it was 5 pm, people started to winding up their work and started to punch there hand for off. I did the same and went home after driving 1 hour. I was so tired that I can’t even go to take shower.

I dreamt something which I wished I wouldn’t have, it was shaky blurry, but with some picture of books written on something about Satan “know your satan” (theme of the book) and one person came to me and said “We all know who is our Satan, don’t you?” I said “sir, I don’t know what you talking about”, he continued with a smile “Son, with every second passing, though we know who we are, when we are in anger, we know who we are, when we smile we know who we are” he took a long pause stared in my eyes deep, as I saw in to his eyes I began to know him, I started to feel that I know him, he is someone whom I always wanted to know, meet and talk to. But who was he a question remained, some pictures flashed before me, as he was trying to tell his story, it was sad, it developed great sense of pain inside me, it was from some desert, and in other glance I saw a boat against the waves. Something tragic has happened to him, as I wanted more to know, he stopped, he began to say “We all know who is our Satan, it’s we, ourselves”  I startled about what has happened to him, how he got to me, why he showed up what he has to me? , and with same distress I asked “what is your story?, I know it’s sad, if you want to share” he smiled, and said “my story doesn’t belongs to me, I am a lover, lover don’t have their own stories, its belong to my beloved, if you want to know my story go find my beloved, you cannot find my beloved in deserts or in seas” as he concluded some weird image of that person started to build in my head. And I said: “I know who you are” “you’re the great Rumi, who is in search of his beloved “Shams””

“No iam not in search of Shams, we are one” and he continued “it’s something different, and you know what I mean”

Yes I knew “God”

He never meant to be found, what’s left of him if we find him, does fish ever find water? No…. because it’s inside water. How we can find him?

“Kill your Satan” stated Rumi firmly.    

In Abyss of Time

It was in late summer of 2004, when I started feeling that someone is following me, out of nowhere I started seeing a child, and he followed me everywhere, literally everywhere.

It was weird when I started to see him on streets, then outside my college gate, then near to my home, then at my doorstep, and finally in my college classes, that was the moment I was worried, horrified, and wanted to scream, but I observed around, no one even noticed that child.

Certainly we all are kept alive in such an environment where we just practice our daily routine, which includes our religion as well. Intoxicated with routine, we just keep doing things whose results are inevitable.

So I came across with my unique situation, surely I was not mad, but not less than that too. With slowly and steady I started observing that child, looked deeply into him, as I gazed in to a beautiful carved statue, not a single blink from his side, ignoring all the voices calling my name, as I have liberated myself and fallen into the tranquility of eternity, and then sudden breeze enchanted my each and every cellular object of my body. A true sense of serenity I experienced, it was something like stillness of all the thoughts, where your mind is have nothing to see, nothing to hear, nor to touch and no doubts about any object including yourself. I felt like travelling through different time, transformed from one soul to another, processed through the seemingly endless reincarnation of souls from bad to good and then good to bad, but how does I perceived myself for all those years In each life? What am I searching for through all these years? Why I am trapped in a time? And most importantly; will I be able to achieve this time what I have not been able to achieve in thousands of years?

To be continued……….