Toronto Storm

 It was early morning, and downtown Toronto was hustling with a rush of people trying to reach their workplace, fighting polar winds and gusts of the snowy storm. Rizaan walked from his subway station towards his office, which he had recently joined. The temperature was -11 celsius. He had never experienced such cold in his entire life as he shifted recently to Toronto. Rizaan Walks towards his office, regretting not wearing a pair of gloves and forgetting his neck scarf. His hands were freezing, and he wished for some coffee. It was going to be a long day ahead; he knew it already.

He wanted to stop, but at the same time, he tried to reach his office as he was already late. Finally, at some unknown crossing, he saw a coffee shop. He already knew what he wanted for his drink—an Americano. But more than a coffee, he needed to warm up before. So, he went into the coffee shop. Two women sat on the couch, sipping their coffees, while another sat at the counter. As soon as Rizaan entered, both women looked at him and smiled. So, he smiles back and heads towards the counter to order his Americano. It was already 9 a.m. He knew he was late, but it was not his fault. Toronto Transit System stood still that day due to a polar storm and encountered some technical flaws. Practically everyone using public transit was on the streets, trying to fight off chilly winds and waiting for alternatives.

Rizaan waited for a moment; then the barista asked: "What can I get you?"

"I want an Americano, please."

The young girl smiled and nodded. Then, she made Rizaan's drink and handed it over to him.

He sat on the corner table in the coffee shop just beside the window. He took a sip and observed the mess on the streets. People line up at bus stops, waiting for their buses. Rizaan's phone chimes with a notification from Twitter, and the tweet was from Toronto Transit System; "sorry for the interruption in service; due to severe storm, the public transport system will be shut down for two days".

A man came inside and ordered himself a coffee and a sandwich. A few minutes later, another one did the same. After watching all these, Rizaan realised how difficult this city would be to live in during the Winter.

The coffee shop was packed in a few minutes, and people were now lining up for coffee. Somehow, Rizaan has to return home as he has no other alternative to reach his office. As he stepped outside the coffee shop, a sudden gust of chilly wind trapped him from all sides, he started walking with a half-finished Americano, and this was when someone tapped him from behind; He turned around to find a beautiful woman standing there. She smiled at him. He smiled back. At the same time, he felt butterflies. He knew her from not very distant past, but he knew her. "Aminah," said Rizaan.

"When did you arrive in Canada?" weren't you in Singapore?- She asked

Rizaan has now forgotten how cold he was feeling. His hands were numb, and he almost couldn't feel his nose.

"Yes, I have been here only three months ago."

"Oh! That is good. Where are you staying?"

"I am living in the south of downtown. Forty minutes walk from here."

"You better get going. This is going to get rough."

Rizaan, with his numb hands, shook her hands. "see you around".

And he started walking towards his place.

He walked on the streets covered with snow; everything was now

covered with whiteness; as the temperature dropped further, winds blew more snow, and soon visibility dropped to zero. Soon he will not be able to walk. But he was walking. Somehow, his legs were dragging with the warmth he felt at that time.

He remembered how it was ten years back when he first saw Aminah. Since then, their lives have changed entirely.

***

Aminah was waiting for her bus along with the other passengers. She heard someone talking behind her that public transport was suspended due to the storm. So, she got out of the crowd and walked towards the coffee shop; this was when she noticed a familiar face sitting inside that cafe, staring out of the window. She did not believe her eyes at first, "is he him?". She wanted to turn away at first, but the storm was getting more robust, and she immediately wanted something to warm her up. She thought it was her destiny to face him after so many years. She had no idea what she would say to him, but she remembered one thing Rizaan used to say often: "Maktab", which means everything is written. Two storms were brewing that day, everyone could feel the coldness of one, and another was inside her; that storm was only for her.

She was there, wondering if he could recognise her or if she was overthinking it. Is it fate that they meet again after all these years? Or just a coincidence? No matter what the reason was, she decided to find out. She decided to sit and talk to him. She approached the cafe when she saw that Rizaan had stood up from his place and started leaving the coffee shop.

Now he was outside, she noticed that he was not wearing any gloves and his jacket was not for Winter. Instead, it looked like he was wearing a fall jacket and unprepared for the severe weather. She immediately realised that he had just moved to Canada and still needed to learn how bad the weather could be here.

She was standing on the street, where people were running towards their cars to avoid being stuck in traffic, while she was standing there waiting for her heart's calling. The coldness from the wind penetrated her bones. She ran towards Rizaan as he stepped out of that shop and started walking opposite Aminah.

She tapped his shoulder, and he turned around, and she could see his eyes and frozen nose, which was turning blue. He was holding a coffee cup, and she knew it would be a cappuccino. It was his favourite. She was looking at him, observing every single detail. He had grown a beard since the last time. When she smiled, he smiled back.

Rizaan broke the silence and called her name in amazement, "Aminah".

***

They both started walking their way; as Rizaan left, she went into the coffee shop, still thinking if it was all real.

Aminah was lost in thoughts, trying to recollect how he met Rizaan ten years back and how their lives changed. Wasn't it just a coincidence? What are the chances of meeting him here?

It was summer ten years back when they met in Karachi, Pakistan, at a University function. She had seen Rizaan before, and Rizaan also knew her from one of their class in which they were together. Though they never spoke to each other.

She saw him talking to one of her's friends, Sarah, during the function. So she went to them and stood with them. This is when Rizaan saw her and greeted her. She greeted him back. Sarah was Rizaan's best friend, and they often hung out during university. At one point, there was a rumour that they were in a relationship. Aminah also thought the same at first. She became Sarah's friend recently as they took the same class for that semester. Aminah remembered that day so clearly as it had happened yesterday; even she remembered what he was wearing and which book he was holding. Sipping her Cappuccino in that cafe, she smiled,

He was wearing a white shirt and dark jeans and holding a big red book in one hand. That book was special to him as he always had that book and often read that. He used to say that reading it soothes him. After a few months, he told her why that book was so important. Sitting at a coffee shop, which was bustling with people, she was lost in her thoughts, sipping her coffee with an apparent gap; she felt different. This storm, something is spiritual about it. She felt like someone had written this, and with this thought, she felt something strange which gave her chills to her inner core. Did he know this ten years ago that we would meet one day again like this? She opened her email immediately and read the last email from Rizaan; it was just a quote from Rumi; "And don't think the garden loses its ecstasy in Winter. It's quiet, but the roots are down there riotous. In Winter, the bare boughs that seem to sleep Work covertly, preparing for their Spring."

He often quoted Rumi, but why his last email was about winters? After that, he never tried to contact her, and neither did she.

***

Rizaan, after fighting the winter storm, somehow found his way to the grocery store, which was in the middle of downtown, and bought some stuff for dinner. But still, the weather outside was terrible, and no transportation was available. So there were people inside sitting on the floor and were adamant about not leaving that place. So Rizaan thought, waiting for the storm to pass a sane thing. He roamed around the store, bought some water, and sat down on the floor where everyone was sitting.

To be Continued ......

 

Flying Birds

Do I know you? Asked Hoopoe; to the strange bird with a long tail and enormous height. The bird replied, “don’t you?” Overwhelmed with the presence of this magnificent creature, hoopoe reiterated, “Who are you?” the bird replied: “I am Phoenix”, and added further “, remember me?” hoopoe was dazzled already; it stumbled little “oh oh .. my Majesty, how do I have the pleasure meeting with you?” Phoenix smiled and turned away, jumping to the next branch from the hoopoe to see a silver moon, “you didn’t recognise me” “I … I didn’t expect to be visited by….” “Do not worry, and look at that moon”, interrupted Phoenix. “Did you create the moon?” asked Hoopoe, Phoenix laughed, and it laughed hard, “why do you think I have created the moon?” “My mother said so,” replied hoopoe. Leaves started to rustle as a gust of air blew and surpassed them. Hoopoe felt like a child. “This night has some secrets within”, – Phoenix turned to hoopoe and looked into its eyes, “something you must remember, look into yourself and burn yourself”,- advised Phoenix. Hoopoe closed its eyes for a second, and Phoenix disappeared as it opened in a blink. Hoopoe stood a while, gazed at the moon, and tried to remember something that it had forgotten: "What is there below the moon” a giant structure with an irregular shape. “I remember it, mount Qaf,” hoopoe said to itself. A sudden excitement is enlightened in it. “I have been there, didn’t I? asked itself, thought continued “, but why am I not remembering it?”

“It’s like a lifetime has passed, and whatever I saw there is just too hard to remember, but this mountain, mount Qaf……… what happened there?- Hoopoe question to itself, a question which will change its life …… once again.

Readers of this encounter must be thinking about what happened to our beloved hoopoe and its ecstatic meeting with Phoenix once attar told us in his Conference of Birds. My answer is, “same thing which has happened to all of us; we forgot.”

What You are Afraid of?

Chapter # 32 what are you afraid of?

I was walking on the street, it was night, around 11 pm, and intermittently cars were passing by. It was a one-way road, and cars were coming from behind. Street lights were dimmed, many were not lit, the night was smoky and cold, headlights of Cars were making shadows sometimes on roads looked like some giant walking in front of me, and sometimes it appeared in the smoke. 

To both sides, there were residential apartments when I heard a voice; “what you are afraid of?” voice was shrill, and I knew I had heard that voice before. I stopped and looked around; from very distance, one car was coming, I looked in front of me at the ground where I saw my shadow as big as a giant, and slowly it was becoming smaller, and the time came when it disappeared into me as the car passed by. Who said that- Ghosts? , apparently, I shrugged that thought and thought it was my hallucination. I started walking again now I was more careful as the thought of an unknown voice had already made me nervous. The hairs on my hands stood up. Coldness started gripping my legs, and my long shadow again started contracting in me. I heard the loud engine noise as it came nearer, I turned around, and it hit me and threw me up in the empty air. I saw my body hitting the ground while still up in the air. I heard again, “What are you afraid of?” As I was scared, I shouted, “Who are you?” I was still falling, but the ground seemed to be much further. “What are you afraid of?”  I responded, “I am afraid now,” when a voice said, “You are scared of heights”- I will die. I cried; my eyes were covered with tears, and I was screaming. Voice said, “Stop crying- you are already dead if you don’t know what you are afraid of” with this, I hit the ground.

I opened my eyes, my cheek, and to a certain extent, my lips were touching the cold floor of my home. Did I fall off the bed? It was when I realised it was a dream. I was bleeding from the side of my upper lips and tooth. 

(An extract from my writing: Story of our lives)      

Asking More?

But question remains the same, who are we? What purpose do we have? Is there any Parallel universe? What is consciousness? All these questions are the basic pillars of philosophy, whereas still unanswered.
Aren’t these questions demand a definite answer?   

Dwelling into philosophical discussion, it leads to more questions, and despite of answers we encounter with queries that were not arisen before, which results the exhaustion in one’s mind. After being involved in long debates we realize something unusual; and it is that we were not looking for answers, we all are looking for one right question, an unexplainable question which has not been asked by philosophers, theologians or spiritualists.

This Consortium of restless soul dropout their thoughts one by one in their comfort zones like flock of birds did in Attar’s Mantaq utair, each one had desire to fly across to meet God Bird, but in the end only one reached who didn't stop at any point, knowing that question is still un asked.

We all are looking for an answer, unfortunately it cannot be explained, but only felt/experienced, such like a feeling of love, you can not quantify your feelings but you know what you feel for another, it is unexplainable in words, though vague but its simple inside. May be the question we are looking for is simple like this which cannot be asked in language?  

A Judgmental ME

Though from the imminent failure of the logic to satisfy, a growing urge to become more and more aware of myself lead me to another dimension. Whether it was biasness or not, but search for eternal life has gruesome effect on human soul. It is more lethal

, more self conjecturing and physically subtle in nature, if it is or it is not, leads to logical argument for the satisfaction of soul, will lead you to astray and nowhere else beside your own ashes of reasons.

Reason to some extent leads us nearer to the truth, and makes us able to understand the nature of surroundings and draw ourselves to what we actually looking which ultimately defies our very own urge of self satisfaction. More we know the more we become unrest and ultimately failure in cultivating any reason leads us to  make us believe that there is no truth but only puzzles.

One of the characteristics of human mind is that it can never rest; it doesn’t stops even you are dead, and continue to for several minutes. It is bind to analyze and recognize the patterns even there aren’t any patterns, logic even if there weren't any of it. So how the urge can be satisfied? This question has been the mother of all philosophy in my opinion, and responsible for the questions like “who am I?” and by keep repeating it, it finally loses its soul and become a question like any other ordinary question. Once the worth of this question is lost, we blend in the crowd. Either there is or is not any purpose of creation by nature in both cases our mind tends us to jump to the conclusion, either black or white and afraid of that Gray area which tells us not to believe in any conclusion, and keep on searching. This is not easy task in any of it aspect, though I will call it the revolution of Soul, where it fights against the basic nature of jumping on conclusion every day every night till it achieves the non perceptional and non judgmental mind.      

What if I Doubt?

So far search for truth has lead me to nowhere, sometimes I think there might be no truth, a delusion that has enclave our fears and made us believe in what might we call the ultimate  truth. From the meta physical to Mathematical world all we have seen is the creation of human mind, so many people with different thoughts and faith with their extreme positions of what might we can say the delusional opinion as presenting as Fact, I Wonder what if I can stay in doubt without taking any extreme position.

Simple was the answer, human mind cannot linger in doubt forever. Doubt demands openness, it asks to remain curious every second, it says “Go on and ask questions”, doubt teaches us “there is no extreme positions only matter of opinion”. Then why human inherently curious being takes extreme position and professes their opinion as Truth?

For this I have to look into myself, nor into another’s life, but mine only, human by nature is Curious, the very first statement I quote is my opinion nor the truth, but why I did quote it as it is not my opinion but Truth?, might this is the only thing we need to understand, saying something does not make it truth but it only shows the opinion.

To elaborate it I came across with the story of Elephant and Men in Dark by Rumi, this allegory shows exactly how we perceive opinion as a matter of fact. If opinions are not truth nor falsity, then what exactly the nature of opinion is?

Our society is divided in to two extremes, for instance take the example of Concept of God, either we are accepting that God do exists, or we deny, human cannot accept that there could be any place in between total acceptance and Total Denial, mind simply can’t accept it, this is why so many clashes erupts when two extremists meet.

What is it like to doubt?  People ask me and I reply:

To doubt is like to find yourself.

Doubt gives the way into unknown territories of believes.

Doubt reaffirms that I am still human not machine.

Doubt reminds me that my Bowl is still empty and I am open to whatever lies ahead.

Doubt makes me patient

Doubt keeps me curious.

Shadows of Eternal Blasphemy

Confession

Class of 2004,Awarded with Best short Story: (few paras)

Out of sudden, I heard a voice, little shrill but sweet, deafening loud but lighter to heart, even though I had not looked at her, but immediately I knew it’s going to be something big, atleast for me.

My being of desolated soul immediately struck with heavier sense of frisson, what else could be it, when i saw her from the crowd, with her friends, smiling, playing her restless soul immediately made me fall in love.

A strangest kind of feeling with hallucination, once you are in captive of this strange more powerful then opium, you start to deprive from real world and start to construct your own parallel universe. It still enchants me with most powerful of all. Though the art of love was new for me but not impossible, still thinking of those uneasy awkward moments of fabricating your own world where you are with your beloved. It’s odd that how a feeling of being loved can make a person what he didn't even thought of be ever.

Just a look had made me dispose off my gods, and ended me blasphemous when with each recitation of prose of Rumi, i just thought of her. Nothing else could make me more annulled from my life then Her. Each song possessed her being; I could dance forever, could die and make a good friend of her in my parallel universe. Sometimes imaginative talks with her make me loosen up from reality itself, and finally all those storm up feelings pushed me off the cliff, I realized one morning that I haven’t slept for a month, and didn’t even knew what I have been doing all nights, imagining, writing making up stories, playing games, but not even a second she was off my mind. Her powerful soul had made me nothing but shook me from my very soul to look differently at world, where possibilities seem boundless. A fallen star roamed universe in hope that it could land on its planet with intensity that it will then never let it go again. But what of the love I have been saying this far?, With all the feelings it makes us more vulnerable and strong in soul. May be I have exaggerated all my feelings and start to over think, made me obsessed about her, may be a powerful infatuation that pulls me at her.

I abstained, with insomnia I could have done something better, i started meditation, with long hours of concentration at one point, my thoughts started to diminish, day by day ripples of thoughts decreased, and one point in those days I can surely say that i have experienced something powerful, it was all silence, a silence you have never imagined, for few seconds, it made my all body disappear from my mind, I knew nothing, not even what I am doing and what I have done, and after few seconds I recollect I was seeing “Her”.                   

MAKTAB (Written)

“What is the nature of God?” asked Professor Ezira Mikael to his full packed class. Answered one of his student “yet to be certain”, Mikael smiled, and continue, “turn off the lights please and close you’re your eyes, whatever I ask now just raise your hand if you believe in it”, and he continued, “do you think humans have free will?” half of the class raised their hands, “bravo” exclaimed Ezira, “now listen it carefully, and answer this question; Do you believe God is Omniscient?, to be very clear do you believe God knows everything that has happen and yet to happen?” whole class raised their hands, “so logically we don’t have free will” a sudden claim made by a student sitting at the last extreme corner of class. “Tell me something more about it Rizaan” insisted Ezira Mikael, and Rizaan continued “What is here is the inverse relationship between our believes pertaining to one entity, here is its example; if God knows everything and He should know everything, then logically we have no Freewill, because he already knew our future course of actions, and if we insist on the freewill then we have to compromise our belive of God being Omniscient, though argument shall circulate in between two believes, so we have to Compromise our on belief, that is for sure many of us will compromise “Free Will”.

As I always says its “Maktab”- Concluded Rizaan  

"Don't let me start on it Rizaan"- with Sarcasm Ezira chuckled 

An Encounter with a Rumi

What happens to those who consider themselves as a slave of destiny can’t be it’s an escape from reality? A tool use to blame upon when we have done something terrible or wrong, didn’t even consider another duly viable aspect of a situation which we fail to look upon and then all of the sudden catastrophe appears in front of us in form of reality check. This is where we realize that we are not as smart as we think of us, in contrary our defense mechanism starts to defend our self esteem, in form of spectacular concept of Destiny, or we can say what is written in our fate.

One fine evening I passed by from a cart of Books, and people surrounded it with great interest, I stood by there and start observing the subjects of books, there were several books some in urdu, some in English, but never though I consider urdu as a language of convenience, because it has many words which is sophisticated and equally hard to read and pronounce with a flow. Naturally my eyes were wandering on English side. I must say those books were price less, moreover interest of simple people, people from another side were keenly interested in urdu books, I have seen books of Ashfaq ahmed and Gaalib, only two writers I recognized. Book named “dajjal” (super satan) was the book of interest for many people. And there were many copies of it as well; in front of my eyes 5 potential buyers bought that book.

A sudden breeze of thought struck me, and it took me some another world. I saw something unimaginable, I must say being a logical person that I am suffering from serious problem, hallucination. As I have it before, I knew what I am seeing is not real, and I know how to get out of it if I have to, until and unless I lose my grip on to the reality I am safe in hallucination. A man from far distant was running towards me, one hand up and another holding some kind of book, I don’t think so he was signaling me until he came to me stop nearby me, and handed over one book. I looked at that book and asked him what this is? He disappeared. I knew at that time that I am hallucinating, so I didn’t mind. I took the book and went to my office, I saw all my coworkers, working accordingly, I looked at the clock it was 5 pm, people started to winding up their work and started to punch there hand for off. I did the same and went home after driving 1 hour. I was so tired that I can’t even go to take shower.

I dreamt something which I wished I wouldn’t have, it was shaky blurry, but with some picture of books written on something about Satan “know your satan” (theme of the book) and one person came to me and said “We all know who is our Satan, don’t you?” I said “sir, I don’t know what you talking about”, he continued with a smile “Son, with every second passing, though we know who we are, when we are in anger, we know who we are, when we smile we know who we are” he took a long pause stared in my eyes deep, as I saw in to his eyes I began to know him, I started to feel that I know him, he is someone whom I always wanted to know, meet and talk to. But who was he a question remained, some pictures flashed before me, as he was trying to tell his story, it was sad, it developed great sense of pain inside me, it was from some desert, and in other glance I saw a boat against the waves. Something tragic has happened to him, as I wanted more to know, he stopped, he began to say “We all know who is our Satan, it’s we, ourselves”  I startled about what has happened to him, how he got to me, why he showed up what he has to me? , and with same distress I asked “what is your story?, I know it’s sad, if you want to share” he smiled, and said “my story doesn’t belongs to me, I am a lover, lover don’t have their own stories, its belong to my beloved, if you want to know my story go find my beloved, you cannot find my beloved in deserts or in seas” as he concluded some weird image of that person started to build in my head. And I said: “I know who you are” “you’re the great Rumi, who is in search of his beloved “Shams””

“No iam not in search of Shams, we are one” and he continued “it’s something different, and you know what I mean”

Yes I knew “God”

He never meant to be found, what’s left of him if we find him, does fish ever find water? No…. because it’s inside water. How we can find him?

“Kill your Satan” stated Rumi firmly.    

In Abyss of Time

It was in late summer of 2004, when I started feeling that someone is following me, out of nowhere I started seeing a child, and he followed me everywhere, literally everywhere.

It was weird when I started to see him on streets, then outside my college gate, then near to my home, then at my doorstep, and finally in my college classes, that was the moment I was worried, horrified, and wanted to scream, but I observed around, no one even noticed that child.

Certainly we all are kept alive in such an environment where we just practice our daily routine, which includes our religion as well. Intoxicated with routine, we just keep doing things whose results are inevitable.

So I came across with my unique situation, surely I was not mad, but not less than that too. With slowly and steady I started observing that child, looked deeply into him, as I gazed in to a beautiful carved statue, not a single blink from his side, ignoring all the voices calling my name, as I have liberated myself and fallen into the tranquility of eternity, and then sudden breeze enchanted my each and every cellular object of my body. A true sense of serenity I experienced, it was something like stillness of all the thoughts, where your mind is have nothing to see, nothing to hear, nor to touch and no doubts about any object including yourself. I felt like travelling through different time, transformed from one soul to another, processed through the seemingly endless reincarnation of souls from bad to good and then good to bad, but how does I perceived myself for all those years In each life? What am I searching for through all these years? Why I am trapped in a time? And most importantly; will I be able to achieve this time what I have not been able to achieve in thousands of years?

To be continued……….        

MISFITS

Continuation of Days of Sun http://shahzadrupani.blogspot.com/2013/11/days-of-sun.html

Thousands of candidates I watched during admission test for high school, I Prayed a day before after a long time

“Dear God, Let me pass this Test, Mercy”

I abandoned praying for long time, just because it didn’t make any sense to me ever. How I could be selfish in front of God, since he knows everything why should I pray and ask things for myself. But I did pray that day and certainly doubts started building in me, before entering into class I was certain that I won’t be able to make it. Hurriedly I altered my mind and asked myself “How bad you want?”  Answer was simple: “It’s a matter of Life and Death”. And I can’t forget that moment, when a first known face entered into test room, and surprisingly his admit card number was right next to me, a best friend of mine, though we had adversary in our past, but it gave me a sigh of relief for a while.

“I considered that we could never be friends”, I told my friend after 6 years, and he replied with assertive nod. We were sitting in the park in the middle of noon, we had nothing to do, and we didn’t know what to do with our lives, once again the dilemma had stricken. With Faith crises and indulging in many other non-corporative and understandable so called spiritual enlightenment search, our soul had been eaten up with routine. We were in vertigo, and had to decide that what we should do, either to overcome the desire of falling or to let go the fear of Falling. And of course we jumped off the cliff.

Life has small parts which needed to fit altogether in our lives, like a machine works in harmony if all the parts are set accordingly. Sometimes new parts replaces old and sometimes new are added for modification. Same goes with our lives, we constantly meet new people but allowed to be a part of our lives is rare in case. For a while we could like them but soon we realize that this part is misfit in our harmonically aligned life, and we discard them.  

For me it was not new, sometimes I just discarded the best fits too,but this is a part of later story       

Days of Sun

Continuation of Life: It goes on http://shahzadrupani.blogspot.com/2013/11/life-it-goes-on.html

When not to talk is the art rarely possessed by people, and those who know this art are the blessed one. After hopeless result, for the first time I started seeing my life in despair, I began quiet, emotions of aloofness set in me and I started to drift away from people. I saw the hell in heaven and heaven in no place, nature has no longer affect on me and my constant disturb ant state of mind was swirling me in the limbo of my failure and future expectations. It was clear till then that I had no longer motivation for anything in my life.

After 9 years, when I was driving to my work place, I suddenly remember a name, and smile touched my face, swiftly I got some impressions in my mind, and I slipped into 9 years back. Days of nights I have considered to never end, he was the Sun for me, his enthusiasm and believe in me made me believe that I can achieve whatever I want, his constant push was the reason I was able to complete the race at least. “I was blessed” thought by me while driving, it is necessary to have one friend cum teacher who guides you with his full conviction and with all his or her heart, sometimes they stays with you forever and sometimes they don’t, but what they do for you or have done remains inside you forever.  And it is important to remember those things which make you feel the basic principle which we all forget;

“Suffering is part of Life”,

It is upon us how we deal with it, for the very first time help do come in any form, but for second time you have to eliminate that suffering by yourself.

Although a year later I got admission in my desired High school, one of the most prestigious high schools in my city, and all the bitterness of failure converted into sweetness, and time of those Days of Sun set forever in my life, as one day ends another begins. I never saw that person again in my life. 

Life: It goes On

Continuation of In the Rain of Imagination http://shahzadrupani.blogspot.com/2013/11/in-rain-of-imagination.html

The best thing about life is; “It goes on”, in the middle of millions we all are trapped to find our identity, we create our own image out of selection from others behavior; I did the same for several years.

As in the center of identity crisis I started to watch out things as other people did. In summary I had lost my own identity in order to impress others. The worst decision and trust me there is no way out of it, you tend to copy others as and started negotiating with your inner self, settling for minimum bargain and then time comes when you not even bargain, because your inner self is dead till then . But I got my way out later on, as I said before; “change comes slowly and gradually”.

I had to stop thinking so subtlety and should take life as it comes; advised my friend with humor, but I could sense the seriousness between the lines, I had no issues with my life what so ever, but I could not stop my brain, I think 5 to 6 things at a time, processing it imagining it and materialized it with precision. It was just my nature from which I cannot run and I considered myself lucky to have this ability.

After 2 years I struck with insomnia, but this story doesn’t starts here, we all have faced this situation where life doesn’t make any sense, for a while we indulge in our life so immensely and used to of it that we don’t even realize what has to come, without complaining from the very start, we dwell our self into routine, and then entrapped into it, from home to school, and then school to play ground and home back again, world seemed to end on this note. But far beyond in time reality is waiting for all of us. Slowly it approaches us and suddenly with hammer it strikes and we become reaction less.

I had nothing but my good reputation with teachers in school, but it was on verge of destruction when I scored all time low grade in my study time. I had many excuses but deep down inside I knew that I had not done what it takes to achieve what I wanted to achieve. Well enough then I had to worry about my college admission, still a year left in school, in tenth grade, but result which affects most for admission in good college was of ninth grade. And I messed it up pretty well.    

In The Rain of Imagination

It was the stormy night day before when I got sick, just before the summer vacations, that night I didn’t sleep, something about rain that attracts me and we all do feel the same.  In that midsummer night I was being elevated to the hallucination and for a while I felt my life is going to be change forever. But I tell you, it took years to change, because change is a gradual process. At senior year in school finally I had no worries for attendance, because I knew that it doesn't matter anymore.

I was up all night, remembering something from the past that didn't exist in my memory, long before the world was created , I was imagining the exact time of creation, or you can say was trying to imagine it. I closed my eyes and tried to compose all possible scenarios of creation but failed to do so. This kind of impact is done by rain on me at least back then, of course everything was about to change but gradually.

There are some people in our lives whose path crosses ours’ and it does more often than expected, and some people simply run with us. This is extraordinarily established superficial on my part at first, and then fact later on.

It was the time before we had any cell phones, just a serene aloofness which inspires the entire subtle soul of mine. But again what was that all about? I had no clue, but I enjoyed each and every moment.

What could be life without any calm? This moment should never end- Thought I.

We tend to escape things deliberately to ensure our inner self conscious in order to be happy for a moment. And I guess to be happy and enjoying the moment is more important.

 (to be continue)

Story Of Tunnel Theory

I know there is a light at the end of tunnel, but what is new in getting light at the END?

It all has begun, but we didn't know then. . . . . .  .

I read this statement on social networking website Facebook as a status update of my friend and my mind starts to wondering about my so far journey to my present, of course I copied that status hurriedly, each and every word that I copied actually I would say that this status was imprinted in my mind and updated my status of conscious level, no one can distinguish act of ours in daily life between conscious and unconscious level.  May be it has been incepted in me in my unconscious mind but together with my conscious level of me it was working on some more imp

ortant ideas, ideas like we will discuss further, but these thoughts were and are highly contagious and it spread from one level to another like virus does. This status update was merely a month old till then I was not there with my mindful state to think over it but what was important thing in it to think about it? I started to worry about my university papers which were about to begin, in mean while I encountered with some of the most unexpected things to happen, because I always believed in miracles and miracle can only happen if you allow unexpected to happen in your life, and my life was like home in which there was no door, you can enter in it without permission, me and my friend we both have decided to do whatever we want to do in any manner, because, there always a second chance, but we forgot, why to have second chance, avail the first chance instantly. Light in the end is ray of hope we discussed when we met after long time, but what if you make a mistake and let it assume to be the reality which is not? What? I didn’t understand he commented fiercely let suppose I say you to not to think about a big mountain, and I further continued, what will be the first thing will come into your mind? He replied mountain, but in between he interrupted and with smile he said “ok buddy I understand it now” and he further continued “what if he assumes darkness to be his reality and light the eternity which he will get after death?” “Exactly” in excitement I replied.

Many of the people but I would like to say 99 percent people in this world assumes this world not to last forever, they believe they are mortals, but we here question about your mortality, we all believe that we have been created by the act of a perfectly perfect being, God, Right? He is perfect then why His acts are imperfect? Like us, we are not immortal, in short we are mortals and or God is immortal, he is perfect, like a perfect painter he will paint the perfect picture, but why is this so that we are not perfect? This arise the question whether our basic belief system is tainted? Or we are underestimating our abilities? May be this is the case or what so ever, this story goes on with some extraordinary experiences of us may be some of the names are altered or some of the experiences are reformed in order to make audience understand it more clearly but the locations in sense of directions again without name are meticulous, architectural designs and story of ours both are exact and each character are without impersonation.

Floating Destiny

(To be continued. . . . First read:  http://shahzadrupani.blogspot.com/2011/08/hoshruba-zindigy.html )

I didn’t remember any thing till I turned 5, my conscious level was active now and much smarter then the previous one, then I turned 6, 7 and went on. Till my present age still four years from my end of teenage life, I was in 10^th standard.

But who cares, as I thought certainly in a moment and rugged the rubbish off from my mind immediately and ran to play football with my class mates, my section v/s another section, 90 minutes game and in school level it was really a big deal to win. 11 players each side 3 on benches, I got chance to play from kick off, wondered again: “this time will never come again”, “this is a time, Do or Die”. On the right side I had to play with ball more with techniques rather then emotions, as my captain urged and said “tackle, rubble, jump, do what ever you like to do with ball but kick hard to score”- “and I am not a scorer” considered I reluctantly.

Shortly time will tell who is good at what, next 90 minutes will going to be the most intensified one, thought I-

Match began and both teams were unable to score till 80^th minute, ball was with our finest attacker, but today he was unable to score any one. I had choice to make, I am not a chosen one, nor any vampire or a captain America, neither super or spider man, I was just “ME”, standing at my position as our defender went off due to injury I am then responsible for defending. Choices to make were:

1- Stand at the position as I were there for the past 20 minutes; or

2- Move forward as we had only 10 minutes left approximately to score a goal.

Obviously any ordinary prudent men can guess what I would have done next. I chose to leave my position and to go forward, as in consequences if any thing goes wrong just because of leaving my place, I’ll be goddamned in trouble, thoughts were rushing in light speed, I started running, and then I never think back about the consequence, because I was so enthusiastic, my heart was beating at sound speed, I could hear the beats, as more I ran towards goal, people started disappearing I could see only three thing, - a team mate with ball ready to kick, A ball and A goal, and suddenly I saw ball appeared just in front of my head, just a single touch, and I did it, ball with thunderclap netted in the goal, surprised their all of the defenders, they of course didn’t mark me, a keeper he didn’t expect me to come forward leaving my defending position.

A might goal, I was the scorer, every one out there were appreciating me, the moment of glory I was then a savior of team.

I couldn’t hold on that moment, as no one can, if I had not made that choice at that precise moment, I would not have enjoyed those moments of glory later on.

In every moment there are some choices hidden which leads us to the key from which we can unlock our potential. Its all about choices, grabbing opportunities, leaving one state to face another and enjoy those moments of glory that are hidden. Reflecting upon, I realized that we only have one life to live, only one life to spend, to hate, to love, to build, to break, to make mistakes, to learn from those mistakes, to be fearless, to be in fear, to be happy, or to be sad, remembering past, to enjoy present, and to search for the future quests, we all have one life, just one life.

Just like in a football ground, opportunity was floating out there in some distance, so many players, so many choices, just grabbed by one, just in time, a little late would be too late and little early shall perish all the surprise elements, so the step taken at the precise moment, destined you can say, but I would say the right step at right time, as the thought appeared in the mind, all things were started to arrange them selves in field, now I just had to respond, chain reaction started for which my mind was corner fed by my subconscious level with emotions apparently we all know it by name of Will Power. Will converted into thought, thought in to choice, choice into selection and selection in to action, after all that process what I got was the desire of my heart. A want .

(To be continued. . . . . .)

A Universal Want  

(Next chapter)       

We continue to Roam in our Thoughts.

First read: http://shahzadrupani.blogspot.com/2011/08/i-know-there-is-light-in-end.html

(Continuation of I know there is Light in the END)

When a person of ordinary diligence is referred to some extraordinary thoughts he became slave to that thought, some reasoning need to be satisfied, then after a minute or two or day or two his soul becomes your slave. That ecstatic thought slowly takes over their original ability to think over something new, creatively creative, or in other words something extra ordinary.

Reasoning in what ever sense is the most powerful tool a person can have, ideas rushing into mind have potential to change the world outside, and inside as well. But as for the beginning one must believe in himself, rather question about on his own ability to pursue goals, one must take first step to avoid the regret which felt later on at the stage when person realizes that if he would have taken that first step. The next thing is to believe that first step which has been taken is right, besides having all the problems which are encountered because of just that having first step, you must consider that these are all those problems which are deferred, over a life time, is facing by me in a sum and the future is bright, After all what doesn’t kills you make you strong. Basic system of belief then needed to be altered i.e. A Question “am I doing right?” Believe in your self, What ever your inner self is telling you is right for that stage where you are standing, because sooner or later  we all will find that we were sleeping and sharing the common dream and played our unconscious part well, but not well enough! In dreams, dreamer feel it like a reality, but in actual it is not, like wise considering this world a dream and we all are sharing one common dream then we must not be afraid of taking some stupid steps to pursue our imagination, because the only limitation is our own thought or imagination, that how far we could go.

We all in this dream share a common idea of death following our lives, and we all are travelling towards the light “The God”, but imagine the state of your daily dream, when we consider it a reality but after sometime because of any reason we realize actually we are in dreaming state, and we start having control over it, we alter all the happenings so fast and changes all the situations rapidly that we finally wake up, this is what in this world we are meant to do, or we have potential to do, by having a universal conscious, actually control the happenings of this great dream and then finally waking up in Light in between of the Tunnel.

This place is a dream. 
Only a sleeper considers it real.
Then death comes like dawn,
and you wake up laughing at
what you thought was your grief.
(Rumi)        

I know there is Light in the END.

I was standing in the middle of weird rush, people were running towards something, something bright , I guess it was light, every one around me, I looked at them, emotional and the only thing they worried about was reaching there as soon as possible. I was feeling like stranger in the hall way with minimum light, covered with darkness, so I dared to speak, or you can say dared to ask a question, and interrupted one person, of course who was running towards light, he was very polite man and I finally questioned him: “sir would you mind telling me where these all people including you going?” person replied: “son that light, you see it?”, “yeah”- I replied, “we all are going there”, and that person left.

But why they are running towards it? I can see their enthusiasm, passion, one person was running towards light with tears running down from his eyes, I thought, does he not more self contended in the journey? Will he be more joyous after reaching there? Or his joy will come to end slowly and gradually after living in there?  With sudden rouse of touch from a running person, I reflected that before in this darkness, like this were we in the light? And we all rushed towards darkness from light out of our enthusiasm? Or just because darkness was something new to us we cant resist to stop us for rushing to this place and now we, in this darkness, all are running towards this light just to get out of here out of boredom?, may be it is like this, and if it is like this then we are trapped in vicious cycle of eternal struggle to achieve a temporary happiness, because reaching either in light or in darkness gives joy for brief period of life.

But question is: “Is there any way out?”, so I decided to ask once again, this time a younger one, why are you going that way? I asked, he replied “Don’t you see there is light in the end of the tunnel?” “yeah I can see”, “so what you are waiting for? Run and get it” with sparkling eyes he advised me, but I reacted to his advice in totally bizarre way and replied: “I know there is light in the end of the tunnel, but what’s new in getting light in the end?”

He looked at me with total lost of thoughts, what did you say? I answered: “Nothing you go, and thanks for advise, have a save journey a head”, now my thoughts started to clear, it was light I wanted but not in the end of the tunnel, but in the middle of it.

We all search happiness in our future goals, we think by getting it we will find ultimate happiness, but nobody knows what to do next after achieving that goal? It’s like finding water or wadi in desert, but that’s not it, there’s always a whole new journey a head.

Journey satisfies Heart more, then reaching the “END”.    


(continue: http://shahzadrupani.blogspot.com/2011/08/we-continue-to-roam-in-our-thoughts.html )

Thoughts on Thoughts

Question remains the same: What man can do and what man can not do? Beside these question philosophies about great potentials have been written, believes of believers and acts of faith are being synthesized with Religious believes and personal believes of common people.

One person commits deed on which he feels good, and another person feels bad about it, the main reason for remorse in these time is the rigidity of minds, because people only sees what they want to see, and what ever they want to see is based upon their roots of origin of their thoughts. The question again arises that what are thoughts? And from where they are originated? Though the answers might seem to be simple, but, in its entire nature Thoughts are some what unexplainable, but we can try to understand it so that we can trace its origin. Imagine a person saying not to imagine a big mountain, so what came first in your mind Person, Mountain, or a person saying not to imagine Mountain? As per the nature of thought the origination of thought lays with the creator of the thought, means what ever you imagined are not your thoughts but some one else’s, like wise any thought or original idea is emerged with its definite source from outside, or you can say motivation from outside, so we can conclude that any thought or original idea is a resultant from the source of motivation. But story continues with the transformation of that motivation into a person’s own thought, the level where he believes that the idea was solely generated by him without tracing its origin. This is the next level where person’s pre conceive thought starts working. From this point a thought from out side is adopted by his own conscious level wholly without any doubt that actually it is motivated by some one else’s thoughts.

Now it doesn’t matters that thought is original or not because it has been adopted, like when person moves from one house to another, in new house he feels like visitor, even though he own the house, but as time passes when he adopts it, it becomes his part. Just like these thoughts are now settled in the mind, duly motivated, then self motivated, and developed in something new, then this developed thought is passed to some one else for whom first person’s developed thought become’s another’s core thought on which he will develop it according to his own pre conceive thoughts.

For this ending question remains the same that from where the thoughts are originated? Is there any flow of Universal Thought? Which is providing thoughts to the people which are flowed from one person to another until it is fully developed and exhibit it self at its fullest potential?